The delight and pain of being who you are

“Cada um sabe a dor e a delícia de ser o que é”
“Only you know the delight and the pain of being who you are” Dom de Iludir, Caetano Veloso

We copy each other, and we start early by copying our parents and growing up we are constantly inspired by others and our personalities are in a constant motion forming this unique shape. When Sartre wrote the play ‘No Exit’ and come up with one of his most famous quotes “Hell is other people” without getting into too much into details about the play, he was in part reflecting on how difficult it is for us to deal with coexistence: what other people think of us tend to alienate and lock us in a particular kind of being.

We love to be considered one of a kind, but we also need to belong, be part of a community, social groups, a family, the thumbs up on social media can’t stop coming. We are so desperate for attention.
There is a beautiful song by Brazilian composer Caetano Veloso, and in the lyrics he talks about the beauty of being unique. In a free translation a sentence in the song says: “Each person knows the delight and the pain of being who they are”.

“Cada um sabe a dor e a delícia de ser o que é” Dom de Iludir, Caetano Veloso (link for the song here)

I always loved this song and it is not just because it makes me feel like we are all special, but also makes me feel small and part of a gigantic universe of confused and lonely people, who just like me are struggling with everyday life, fears, insecurities and now Trump (it is adding stress, I can’t lie). We will only ever know our own reality and our pains and delights, and this is the magic of being who you are.

There was never so much conversation about diversity and acceptance, and that is amazing. Other humans have a powerful effect on us, but the thing about other people’s opinions, it is really only so much you can do about what they are offering to you, in the end, it is up to you to take in consideration what you just heard. People have opinions, and are constantly judging others, but that doesn’t mean they are right.

I still agree with Sartre, hell is other people, but when you are able to accept what you want to be and what you want to do with your life is really up to you believing hell is real or not.

Your unconscious mind takes care of a lot more than you think

We all know what it means to be unconscious, but the phrase “unconscious mind” (often confused with subconscious) refers to the processes in the mind that occur automatically. Developed and popularized by the famous neurologist and psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, the unconscious mind knows a lot more than you imagine, and plays an important part in our decision making process. It stores an immeasurable amount of information, and works like an autopilot for your everyday life. Imagine if you had to think of how to make coffee or brush your teeth? Without your unconscious mind, most of the autonomy you enjoy in your everyday life would be lost.

In fact new researches shows that the unconscious mind plays a surprisingly large role in the cognitive processes of our waking life. The neuroscientist S. Ramachandran claims your consciousness only responds to 10% of everything that happens in your brain. Additionally, in the opinion of psychologist Marco Callegaro, author of the book O Novo Inconsciente (The New Unconscious Mind), even this small percentage can be considered generous. “Estimates measuring the processing of information in bits, indicate that the unconscious is 200,000 times faster and more powerful than the conscious” he says.

The unconscious mind represents a powerful memory bank which we consult all the time. Without it we wouldn’t have time, for example, to decide if we have to turn left or right when driving a car.

“Many times we have to make a quick decision without having all the information we need or the time to process, and that is why is important to develop your intuitive aspects”, said Professor Marcelo Massarani. “It is not magic, it is about training your perception. One day I stopped my car at a gas station because I thought it was missing a screw on my new tire, and in fact it was missing. This information was somehow with me, I for sure saw it, and only realized later.”

It is important to understand how the unconscious mind works, so we can recognize the roles it plays in our cognitive processes, and have a better idea of how it impacts our lives. Many marketing strategies are designed with the purpose of attracting and exploiting the unconscious mind. Neuromarketing studies how individuals react to a specific advertising, extracting information unobtainable in traditional interviews. This data is used to refine campaigns, package design and ensure the product attracts target consumers, many times causing them think they want, or even need something in which they may otherwise have no interest.

Understanding the unconscious mind has even more powerful implications when we apply this knowledge to ourselves. Our unconscious is also connected to our fears, urges, even prejudices, and employing exercises that leverage this knowledge has proven to have positive impacts on human behavior, not only with personal interactions, but also in a professional setting. The goal is to view the information provided by the unconscious without allowing it to blind us. It’s difficult work, but not impossible.

Since 2013 Google provides workshops for the employees on the subject. The training teaches how to set clear criteria for decision-making, and how to be aware of subtle signs. “The more aware we are of the role our unconscious plays in our decision making, the more we try to help others confront their prejudices, the greater the chance of overcoming our covert preferences “says Monica Santos, Google’s HR director for America Latina.

Despite how easy it is to dismiss, the abilities and effects of the unconscious mind have a massive impact on our daily lives. Whether we use this knowledge to alter our interactions with others, the ways we do business, or even how we work to improve ourselves, working to gain a more tacit understanding of the relationships between the conscious and subconscious minds can provide meaningful opportunities for people to better understand both each other and themselves.